Making sense of life can be challenging, to say the least. Figuring out who you are, who you want to be, and where you fit can feel like chasing fireflies. There are fleeting moments of illumination followed by unpredictable durations of blind wandering. We’d like to feel confident in ourselves and believe we have things all figured out.
For a few lucky individuals that may be true. The reality is, most of us wrestle constantly with many of the same things—from personal growth, acceptance, and reconciliation to professional development, difficult relationships, and understanding our role in a world that is evolving and changing at an exponential rate. Beyond our personal worlds, the problems we face on a global level are daunting and overwhelming.
Having a support structure, is essential. Over the years, my co-founder of Compassionate Wolf, Heather, has formed a critical piece of my support structure. Like me, she is disillusioned by the many dangerous trends in our country and the world—climate change, growing extremism, systemic racism, and economic inequality. Like me, she understands we can no longer remain silent and, by inaction, complicit.
In our ever-more-frequent conversations, much of our discussion has centered around ways to build connection and compassion as an antidote to the growing divide we see in our communities. More and more, we’ve been feeling an urgency to find our voices and become activists for positive change. That’s when we decided to create an online community to engage others who were also wrestling with universal issues of self, connection, and contribution. A framework began to take shape. But, what to call it?
That’s when I remembered the story of Two Wolves. It’s a familiar parable that’s been around for a long time and goes something like this…
One day an old man sits down with his grandson to teach him about life.
“A fight is going on inside of me,” he says to the boy. “It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, resentment, envy, arrogance, false-pride, greed, sorrow, regret, lies, and self-pity.”
He continues, “The other is good—he is love, joy, peace, hope, generosity, truth, empathy, compassion, courage, kindness, and humility. This same fight is going on inside you—and inside the hearts of everyone.”
The grandson thinks for a moment and asks, “Which wolf will win?”
His grandfather simply replies, “The one you feed.”
“Feeding the Compassionate Wolf” references this parable and emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and the conscious nurturing of positive behaviors. Feeding the compassionate wolf is a choice—a choice that is not always easy.
The beauty of parables is that they are simple stories that can be interpreted and understood on many levels. An alternative version of the Two Wolves story articulates one such level. In it, grandfather replies,
“They both win if you feed them right.”
“You see, if I starve the one wolf, the other will become imbalanced with power. If I choose to feed only the light wolf, for example, the shadow one will become ravenous and resentful. He will wait in ambush for my defenses to lower, then attack. He will be filled with hatred and jealousy and will fight the light wolf endlessly.“
“But if I feed both, in the right way, at the right time, they will live side-by-side in harmony. There will be no more inner battle. Instead, there will be inner peace. And when there’s peace, there is wisdom. The goal of life, my son, is to respect this balance of life, for when you live in balance, you can serve the Great Spirit within. When you put an end to the battle inside, you are free.“
This version embraces Taoist ideas of balance—yin yang—along with Jungian psychology of the shadow self. We all have a dark side. We all live with demons—those within us and those within the culture around us. Denying them, ignoring them only emboldens them. Recent events in this country have made that all too clear. The spirit of “Feeding the Compassionate Wolf” is to work together towards balance, individually and collectively.
For me, the Two Wolves story is deeply compelling in its quiet honesty. It acknowledges a battle—a struggle, an internal paradox—but it doesn’t prescribe force. It doesn’t command or instruct. It reminds us that we have a choice. It prescribes nourishment and compassion.
Our hope is that Feeding the Compassionate Wolf will nourish you with meaningful connections, thought-provoking and perception-challenging discussion, enlightening insights, and positive support.